6 sugars, please

I'd like to order a strong cup of motivation, please.

I'm going to be as honest as I've ever been on these blogs. This whole semester has been a huge struggle to find the motivation to do anything. Shit happening in my personal life in regards to my living situation really brought me down at the start of it, and I really haven't managed to get back at all. I thought I did, but ehh, not so much. I don't find joy in anything I used to find interesting anymore, even things outside of SIT. And I feel as though I always have to be doing something. Such conflict... It bothers me if I'm left without anything to do for even a few seconds. That never used to cause me much annoyance. Back in the day I'd quite happily take a few hours to just chill. Now, I can't be left without something to do. BUT where the confusion comes in, is the fact that I don't find anything I end up doing, entertaining. I slide from one task to the other, and most of it is nowhere near what I'm meant to be doing. I... guess I feel ashamed to do anything that interests me, if it would. I don't know why I'm like that. I really just want the year to be over so I can go home and hang out with my cat in the North Island sun. Another thing causing me concern is the fact that I really have no idea where I'm going after this course. Of course, I have connections down here in the South, but I miss my family immensely, and I hate being so far isolated from them. Imagine not being able to see your mum or dad or siblings or spouse or kids for years at a time. It's just yourself, and there's noone there to go home to in the evening. There's noone around to have experiences with, and loneliness greets you like a lover the moment you step into the empty living room. Silence presses against your ears. You try to drown it out with music, but it'll always be there. It never leaves, so you resign to becoming a victim of the silence. And a victim of the silence, I now realise, I have become. 

Where is the creative motivation that drove me, once upon a time? 

Yeah, I know, I'm not supposed to write blogs like this, but it relates to my course in the way that all my projects have taken the toll with this. I'm not proud. I don't feel as though I've done as much editing as I should have by now. I keep mucking around with it, like a cat playing with its catch. Batting it around this way and that. I don't like it. I cannot see a way in which the trailer is going to work. As of this moment in time, I fear that it is under the minimum time, by a few seconds, yes, but these things cannot be swept aside with a "she'll be right" attitude. The whole thing does not make sense. It's just bits of a story that don't fit together. Even the story, I don't believe is anything decent. It needs work. My dream is to write for a living. But if I don't have the motivation to work upon my written things, then how am I going to get anywhere? Photography has been left behind. I mentioned the project due. I really don't want to go out and take photos for it. I have about 5. We're making a book of them. I need maybe about 5 to 15 more. The theme is place, and how different perspectives affect the way places are looked at, told through refraction and reflection. This is my kitchen, through a glass. An example.

I also have a presentation to give, this Friday, about my internship experiences. That's going to be easy enough. I just need to create the slideshow.

I was on the radio today. I'm using my time on the show as my personal development hours. I need to get it signed off, though, if I want them to actually be seen as part of PD hours. I guess I'll have to find a time to go see mr manager and talk to him about it. I haven't seen him in months.


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I'm not going to get anything done, if I don't get out and do it.
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Friday evening. Raining. I'm in the MacLab. Believe it or not, today and yesterday, I was a good girl, and actually did some course stuff!! YAY GOOD GIRL, KIMBERLEY.

Yesterday I wandered around with a glass full of water. I went to the park, and took project photos. I got some neat stuff!!!

After that I kidnapped Brentarri and went to the beach. Again, I got some neat photos for my project

Ahmmm. On the way there.. My car kind of got stuck in the sand... O_O well that's going to be a memory forever. We dug out the sand from under it, and then some helpful stranger came along and pulled my car out of the sand. There was even a lol made from the whole adventure

Today, I edited my chosen photos that will be definitely going into my photography project. I may have also got a bit side tracked at some point and made other stuff. 

Like this photomontage

Crazy upside down world of his mind

And this.... This.

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I do apologise for this blog being a few hours late. By the time we wrapped on Callum's shoot last night, SIT was well and truly closed for the day. And I couldn't get into campus any earlier today. (monday)

Saturday and Sunday was dedicated to Callum's shoot. It's going well. Weather isn't helping, though.